Detailed Contents

INTRODUCTION: LIVING YES OR DYING NO?

Are you Living Yes or Dying No?
What have you been taught?

Being Human
Human is what I am. No more. No less.

About the Book
How does this book work?

The Living Yes Principles
What is Living Yes?

Progress Check

CHAPTER ONE: HOW TO LIVE YES

Forget Being Positive
You can’t be real if you fake it.

Zero Expectations
Unmet expectations result in frustration. Instead, expect nothing.

Am I a Selfish Know-It-All?
The more you think you know, the less you can learn.

Expectations and Reality
When reality does not meet your expectations, you become annoyed.

The Past Is Gone
If you are present, you can give up all expectations.

Expectations and Goals
Expectations are not goals.

Expectations and Speculation about the Future
Expectations block you from future possibilities.

Exercise – Twenty-two Ways to Play at Living Yes.

Progress Check

CHAPTER TWO: LEARNING ACCEPTANCE

Being Right
You have the right to remain willing.

Acceptance Is the Answer
Acceptance is not the same as giving in.

Accepting Life on Life’s Terms, Even When It’s Hard
Sometimes acceptance means learning how to be uncomfortable.

Exercise – The Acceptance Process

Acceptance and Spirit
Acceptance opens you to spirit.

Dynamically Living Yes
There is not a Yes or No answer. Life doesn’t stand still. Living Yes is an ongoing challenge and opportunity.

Exercise – The Opposite Values Process

Chart – Four Stages of Moving from No to Yes

Progress Check

CHAPTER THREE: SETTING BOUNDARIES AND STICKING WITH THEM

Cost/Benefit of Setting Boundaries
You can be nice and say “No.” The result will be respect.

Exercise – The Three-Step Model for Setting Boundaries

Being Assertive
Assertive behavior is honest and clear.

Overcoming Resistance to Setting Boundaries
Weakness is not the same as niceness.

Chart – Aggressive, Passive, Passive-Aggressive, Assertive Behaviors

Chart – Assert Your Rights

Control Roles
Don’t be a persecutor, victim, or rescuer.

Progress Check

CHAPTER FOUR: THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD

The Two Voices
The little chatterbox in your head is a big liar.

Exercise – Writing the Self-Talk

Chart – The Two Voices

Hearing the Worldly Voice
Practice noticing how your thoughts are not you.

Exercise – The Thought Record Process

Thinking Traps
Your mind can trick you.

The Four Thinking Traps
Break it down into four types.

Thought Records and the Four Thinking Traps
Presenting the master cognitive process.

Exercise – Developing Alternative Thoughts

Progress Check

CHAPTER FIVE: FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS

What Is a Feeling?
Understanding human architecture begins with learning the difference between thinking and feeling.

Chart – Thoughts versus Feelings

Exercise – Thoughts versus Feelings Quiz

Using the Difference between Thoughts and Feelings
Thoughts often lie. Feelings never lie.

Chart – Intensity of Feelings

Exercise – Practice Identifying Feelings

Thoughts Produce Feelings
Use the principle of cognitive theory.

Separated or Connected
Feelings can be connecting or separating and can teach us what we care about.

Chart – The Moment Model

Exercise – Three Places Noes Lead and Tracing It Back to Get to Yes

Drilling Down
Underneath the mind chatter are hidden lies.

Chart – Hidden Thoughts Model, Hidden Thoughts Example

Down to the Core
One day you taught yourself a lie that colored your world. Now it has turned you against yourself.

Exercise – The Eight Core Lies (Ways to Say “No”) with Truth Response Affirmations (Living Yes)

Progress Check

CHAPTER SIX: FEELING EMOTIONS

Anger Hurts
Anger is a painful way to prove you’re right.

Anger Management (The First Step)
Let go of anger.

Exercise – Releasing Anger

Anger Prevention (The Second Step)
Live Yes before you choose anger.

Alone and Afraid, Anxiety and Stress
The more you struggle to control your future, the more pain you will feel.

Living with Compassion
Living Yes with an open and vulnerable heart.

The Annoyed-Worry Cycle
Break the pattern with acceptance.

Exercise – Using Separating Emotions to Change Your Thinking

Being and Doing No
You struggle to prove to the world that you’re okay.

Chart – The Looping Trap (Vicious Cycle)

Chart – The Loop of Core Lies (Accusations) and Driven Behaviors (Demands)

Creative Looping
Find the truth loop.

Chart – The Truth Loop (Virtuous Cycle)

Exercise – Create a Truth Loop

Progress Check

CHAPTER SEVEN: PATTERNS OF NO

Avoidance: Divide and Conquer Nothing
Avoidance is a short-term strategy that fails over time.

Balancing Useful Avoidance
Avoidance is measured by intention.

PTSD
Post-traumatic stress is the No of avoidance.

Exercise – Changing from No to Yes Using the Five Practices: Notice, Faith, Knowledge, Action, Continuing Gratitude

Judgment
Judgment is not your job.

Chart – Big Judgment Words List

Habits, Stuck in Me
Habits are shortcuts that may trap you into blind pathways.

Secondary Gain
We miss the Yes because of false payoffs.

Exercise – The Secondary Gain Process

Exercise – Two-Column Cost/Benefit Process

Progress Check

CHAPTER EIGHT: SOME PRACTICAL IDEAS

The Pain Blame
If we cannot tolerate our discomfort, we will make reactive choices.

Exercise – Whole Body Pain Process

Fate versus Destiny. Free Will.
You are not your culture, family, or belief system. Infinite possibilities and opportunities are here for you right here, right now.

Exercise – Breaking Free, Destiny in Action

Exercise – Fate or Destiny

Putting Truth into Action
Take concrete steps to Live Yes

Exercise – Planning Tools

Exercise – Taking Action

Support
You can make a plan for effective help that will not burden your helpers.

Progress Check

CHAPTER NINE: FINDING PEACE

Feeling Deeply with Breath – Some Practical Ideas to Practice Being Mindful
Don’t forget to breathe!

Exercise – Three Steps to Be in the Present through Breath.

Exercise – Getting Deeper: Ways to Relieve Pent-up Emotions.

Exercise – Moving in Space

Being and Doing Yes
Alternate between thought and action, saying “Yes” to both.

Quieting Your Mind
Settle down and listen to the stillness.

Exercise – Environmental Awareness

Chart – Where Do You Live?

Meditating
Find the quiet within.

Exercise – Silent Sitting Meditation: Five-Part Technique

The Pleasure Principle
Pleasure results from thinking. Peace results from not thinking.

Exercise – Ten Ways to Build Love

Exercise – Ten Ways to Feel Joy

Progress Check

CHAPTER TEN: PUTTING IT TOGETHER

Remember Being Positive (The Positive Assumption)
Living Yes in real time, without being victimized by your reactive mind, is being positive.

Living Yes in Real Time
Find the power in The Now.

Intention and Freedom
Make a choice to be free by Living Yes.

Chart – Choosing from Reality

Who Are We Really?
Meaning is revealed by being human.

What Is Living Yes?
What you now know.

Progress Check

AFTERWORD

Detailed Contents

Gratitude

About the Author

Throughout the text there are about fifty cartoons!