Detailed ContentsINTRODUCTION: LIVING YES OR DYING NO?
Are you Living Yes or Dying No?
What have you been taught?
Human is what I am. No more. No less.
About the Book
How does this book work?
The Living Yes Principles
What is Living Yes?
CHAPTER ONE: HOW TO LIVE YES
Forget Being Positive
You can’t be real if you fake it.
Unmet expectations result in frustration. Instead, expect nothing.
Am I a Selfish Know-It-All?
The more you think you know, the less you can learn.
Expectations and Reality
When reality does not meet your expectations, you become annoyed.
The Past Is Gone
If you are present, you can give up all expectations.
Expectations and Goals
Expectations are not goals.
Expectations and Speculation about the Future
Expectations block you from future possibilities.
Exercise – Twenty-two Ways to Play at Living Yes.
CHAPTER TWO: LEARNING ACCEPTANCE
You have the right to remain willing.
Acceptance Is the Answer
Acceptance is not the same as giving in.
Accepting Life on Life’s Terms, Even When It’s Hard
Sometimes acceptance means learning how to be uncomfortable.
Exercise – The Acceptance Process
Acceptance and Spirit
Acceptance opens you to spirit.
Dynamically Living Yes
There is not a Yes or No answer. Life doesn’t stand still. Living Yes is an ongoing challenge and opportunity.
Exercise – The Opposite Values Process
Chart – Four Stages of Moving from No to Yes
CHAPTER THREE: SETTING BOUNDARIES AND STICKING WITH THEM
Cost/Benefit of Setting Boundaries
You can be nice and say “No.” The result will be respect.
Exercise – The Three-Step Model for Setting Boundaries
Assertive behavior is honest and clear.
Overcoming Resistance to Setting Boundaries
Weakness is not the same as niceness.
Chart – Aggressive, Passive, Passive-Aggressive, Assertive Behaviors
Chart – Assert Your Rights
Don’t be a persecutor, victim, or rescuer.
CHAPTER FOUR: THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD
The Two Voices
The little chatterbox in your head is a big liar.
Exercise – Writing the Self-Talk
Chart – The Two Voices
Hearing the Worldly Voice
Practice noticing how your thoughts are not you.
Exercise – The Thought Record Process
Your mind can trick you.
The Four Thinking Traps
Break it down into four types.
Thought Records and the Four Thinking Traps
Presenting the master cognitive process.
Exercise – Developing Alternative Thoughts
CHAPTER FIVE: FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS
What Is a Feeling?
Understanding human architecture begins with learning the difference between thinking and feeling.
Chart – Thoughts versus Feelings
Exercise – Thoughts versus Feelings Quiz
Using the Difference between Thoughts and Feelings
Thoughts often lie. Feelings never lie.
Chart – Intensity of Feelings
Exercise – Practice Identifying Feelings
Thoughts Produce Feelings
Use the principle of cognitive theory.
Separated or Connected
Feelings can be connecting or separating and can teach us what we care about.
Chart – The Moment Model
Exercise – Three Places Noes Lead and Tracing It Back to Get to Yes
Underneath the mind chatter are hidden lies.
Chart – Hidden Thoughts Model, Hidden Thoughts Example
Down to the Core
One day you taught yourself a lie that colored your world. Now it has turned you against yourself.
Exercise – The Eight Core Lies (Ways to Say “No”) with Truth Response Affirmations (Living Yes)
CHAPTER SIX: FEELING EMOTIONS
Anger is a painful way to prove you’re right.
Anger Management (The First Step)
Let go of anger.
Exercise – Releasing Anger
Anger Prevention (The Second Step)
Live Yes before you choose anger.
Alone and Afraid, Anxiety and Stress
The more you struggle to control your future, the more pain you will feel.
Living with Compassion
Living Yes with an open and vulnerable heart.
The Annoyed-Worry Cycle
Break the pattern with acceptance.
Exercise – Using Separating Emotions to Change Your Thinking
Being and Doing No
You struggle to prove to the world that you’re okay.
Chart – The Looping Trap (Vicious Cycle)
Chart – The Loop of Core Lies (Accusations) and Driven Behaviors (Demands)
Find the truth loop.
Chart – The Truth Loop (Virtuous Cycle)
Exercise – Create a Truth Loop
CHAPTER SEVEN: PATTERNS OF NO
Avoidance: Divide and Conquer Nothing
Avoidance is a short-term strategy that fails over time.
Balancing Useful Avoidance
Avoidance is measured by intention.
Post-traumatic stress is the No of avoidance.
Exercise – Changing from No to Yes Using the Five Practices: Notice, Faith, Knowledge, Action, Continuing Gratitude
Judgment is not your job.
Chart – Big Judgment Words List
Habits, Stuck in Me
Habits are shortcuts that may trap you into blind pathways.
We miss the Yes because of false payoffs.
Exercise – The Secondary Gain Process
Exercise – Two-Column Cost/Benefit Process
CHAPTER EIGHT: SOME PRACTICAL IDEAS
The Pain Blame
If we cannot tolerate our discomfort, we will make reactive choices.
Exercise – Whole Body Pain Process
Fate versus Destiny. Free Will.
You are not your culture, family, or belief system. Infinite possibilities and opportunities are here for you right here, right now.
Exercise – Breaking Free, Destiny in Action
Exercise – Fate or Destiny
Putting Truth into Action
Take concrete steps to Live Yes
Exercise – Planning Tools
Exercise – Taking Action
You can make a plan for effective help that will not burden your helpers.
CHAPTER NINE: FINDING PEACE
Feeling Deeply with Breath – Some Practical Ideas to Practice Being Mindful
Don’t forget to breathe!
Exercise – Three Steps to Be in the Present through Breath.
Exercise – Getting Deeper: Ways to Relieve Pent-up Emotions.
Exercise – Moving in Space
Being and Doing Yes
Alternate between thought and action, saying “Yes” to both.
Quieting Your Mind
Settle down and listen to the stillness.
Exercise – Environmental Awareness
Chart – Where Do You Live?
Find the quiet within.
Exercise – Silent Sitting Meditation: Five-Part Technique
The Pleasure Principle
Pleasure results from thinking. Peace results from not thinking.
Exercise – Ten Ways to Build Love
Exercise – Ten Ways to Feel Joy
CHAPTER TEN: PUTTING IT TOGETHER
Remember Being Positive (The Positive Assumption)
Living Yes in real time, without being victimized by your reactive mind, is being positive.
Living Yes in Real Time
Find the power in The Now.
Intention and Freedom
Make a choice to be free by Living Yes.
Chart – Choosing from Reality
Who Are We Really?
Meaning is revealed by being human.
What Is Living Yes?
What you now know.
About the Author
Throughout the text there are about fifty cartoons!